Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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