yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he thought i was a dude.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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