the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
