you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
