If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
