i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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