I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
