I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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