He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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