I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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