Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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