I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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