I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize