does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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