I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
