Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize