Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
