if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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