i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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