I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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