loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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