At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
