literally had 100 drinks last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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