apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
