I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
