you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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