sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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