Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
