I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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