when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
