Im at strip club and am horny
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
