Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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