OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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