Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
