I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
