guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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