There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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