you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
