I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
