she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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