I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
