can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
