I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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