Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
