I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
