O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
