im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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