My first STD was from a foam party
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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