Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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