Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
