Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
