I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
