what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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