can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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