We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
