She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize