Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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