you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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