You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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