i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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