Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
