When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
