I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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