we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
