where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
