textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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