i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
