I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
