If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
