we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
