I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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