i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
